Sometimes We Need To Celebrate The Smaller Milestones

There are many reasons why this time of year can be a bit challenging. One of those reasons is that it is often a time we reflect back on the year, as well as begin to set goals and resolutions for the year ahead.  This can be a source of frustration. Maybe this year has brought trials and tribulations. Maybe it was a great year. Or maybe you didn’t accomplish what you had thought you may by this point.

 For me, the year was one of tremendous ups and downs. I began 2018 engaged and planning my wedding. We set our wedding date for September 2- what would’ve been my parents 67^th wedding anniversary had my dad still been alive.  We spent the first four months of 2018 looking forward to a day filled with family and close friends. Our wedding day was amazing and one of the happiest days I’ve experienced in my 52 years. However,  the day also encompassed much grief and sadness-  as my husband lost three of his parents in the four months surrounding our wedding. As you would expect, I have very mixed feelings going into this holiday season as well as the new year approaching. 

As I focus on 2019 I find myself compelled to make it a spectacular year. We all make resolutions with the best of intentions- with almost child-like enthusiasm. Then undoubtedly months in (maybe even weeks) we become overwhelmed and let those goals go because they are just not sustainable for the long haul.

 One thing that remains constant for me this time of year is that my thoughts are always on family, especially my children. It is almost always a time when I reminisce about their childhood holidays and  reflect on how much they  grown and who they have become. When they were younger I diligently documented all their milestones. From the moment they were born, I tracked them monthly. I see it now on social media with young mothers I know. They post pictures of their babies at 1 mos, 2 mos, etc. When you have young children you are excited to celebrate each months development…..as it should be. But, at what point do those months turn into years? When do we stop defining our own progress in months and start focusing on years at a time? In reality, each second on the clock counts. Every day counts.  Every month counts…something I’ve been reminded of over and over in 2018.

This December 31^st I am challenging myself to keep this in mind. I will not look to the coming year as a whole, but merely the sum of many parts. I will make my resolutions one month at a time, changing them as I go. I will celebrate the smaller achievements once again-just like I did for my children and most likely as was done for me when I was young.  I will begin with January and my desire to finally schedule a honeymoon (even if just a long weekend) with my new husband. Circumstances beyond our control has prevented us from doing so as of yet. But its time…time to celebrate the milestone of our marriage.

I hope that you will follow suit. Set your sites on January. Celebrate the little things, small as they are. They are so much more valuable that way.

Happy New Year!

Sometimes Happiness Is A Lonely Place

I was recently at a work conference where I had the opportunity to listen to a motivational speaker. In his presentation, he described how he had turned his life around from a life of crime to living a life of tremendous success.  Interestingly, he explained how when he was a criminal, he was constantly surrounded by people that supported him; yet now that he was living a different life, there were not as many people that rallied around him. He felt less lonely in his times of struggle than he did when things were going well.

At that same conference, I heard a woman speak of her work with incarcerated women. When these women were asked why they behaved badly and acted out, they all seem to echo the same reason- that when they were good, no one paid attention to them.

This got me thinking.

There have been many times in my life when I went through my own personal struggles. I am fortunate that at these points in my life, I was surrounded by people who were supportive and helped me through the rough patches. These people I had considered to be my true friends... there  with me through thick and thin.

But were they? Every life has ups and downs. When looking back at the ‘ups’ of my life, there are definitely times that I’ve not seen the same people with me, applauding. I remember when I had my first magazine article published. At the time, I was a stay-at-home mom with no significant career accomplishments on the horizon. The call from the publisher left me on a complete happiness high. My bubble was quickly burst, though, when the person I thought would be the most proud of me said he was ‘embarrassed’ and refused to tell anyone about the publication. How could that be? I wonder now if he felt a little threatened or resentful of my achievement. Sadly, this can be somewhat of a pattern in life.

Fortunately, though, there have also been some consistent friends who were there for my celebrations. Like one who was a shoulder to cry on years ago when I experienced a bad breakup; yet so genuinely shared in my recent excitement and insisted on going to lunch the very next day after hearing I got engaged. These friends- the ones that are capable of sharing happiness (and not just misery) alongside of me- are the ones that I consider to be steadfast and true.

Is it possible that the old adage “Misery Loves Company” is more accurate, than not? Is it easier to be there when someone is not in a good place? Do we feel better when we are needed? Do we see another’s win as a loss for us? Do we let our own roadblocks overcome our ability to share in each other's jubilation along the way?

I think we must be willing to build one another up during times of happiness as equally as we do during times of tribulation in order to be the best friend we can be.

Instead of focusing on how someone’s else’s success is not ours, we should shift the focus on how it CAN be ours. After all, advancement into the joyous times of my life would never have been possible if not for those that were there along the way – encouraging me and lifting me up when things were difficult. In that respect, my successes are just as much theirs as mine.