My daughter has always been a great student. She was not one I had
to nag about homework or ask about grades. She is very ambitious, and has a
hard time accepting anything less than an “A”.
As her senior year of high school approached, I reminded her that this was
about to pay off. With a 97 average, highest honors and ranking in the top 10%
of her class, I told her she would write her ticket. So, imagine my disbelief
when she only got into one college.
At $100 a pop, we only sent four applications. I learned later
from her advisor that this may have been our biggest mistake. However, this was
my first child through the process and it was never communicated to me how steep
the competition truly was...until it was too late.
On several occasions through the process I suggested that she
should consider applying to Siena College. We had a strong family legacy with
the school. My father was one of the school’s earliest graduates (in the 40’s)
and spent a good portion of his career at Siena retiring in the late 80’s.
Several members of my immediate family were also graduates. Siena played a big
role in my father’s life- he was very proud of the school and it had a special
place in his heart. When he passed away a few months before my daughter’s graduation,
she witnessed how great the Siena community was to my family. But despite my urging, she still didn’t want to apply. She was convinced it was too close to home and
she wanted more independence. So, in the true ‘never a quitter’ spirit she
possesses, she moved forward with her four applications.
As each rejection letter arrived my daughter became more and more
distraught. It was difficult to explain to her how this could even happen. I
was dumbfounded myself. On a daily basis lunch table discussions with friends
and Facebook posts were a glaring reminder to her that others were having
greater success than she was. I could see the disappointment growing each day. I wanted her to be enjoying the last few months of high school, but it
became a stressful time. We put a deposit down on the one school that accepted
her, although she was not enthused. She was not able to enjoy the experience of
choosing a school, as it was her only option. At the Freshman orientation that summer, I
could see the sadness in her eyes. They separated the parents and the students
and as I looked across the campus I saw that she was not engaging herself in
the activities and it pained me to watch. The thought of leaving her there on
move in day was breaking my heart. I couldn’t stand that she felt so defeated
when she should be celebrating her accomplishments.
But again, she is not a quitter and was focused on sticking with
the cards she was dealt. I knew it was a mistake, but I also knew that she had
to come to her own conclusions.
One day- less than a month before she was to leave for college-
she came to me and asked if she could bring her car to school. When I asked her
why, she said it was because she planned on coming home as much as she possibly
could. I explained to her that this was not a good sign. I told her that being
away from home would be a big adjustment under normal (Freshman) circumstances
and that if she already felt she couldn’t stay there she needed to give that
some serious thought.
Then the next morning, I got a text.
“Do you think it’s too late for me to apply to Siena?”
I felt both relief and panic at the same time. It was late in the
summer and it was possible they wouldn’t look at her application. I feared yet
another bumpy road ahead and didn’t know if she could take it. Even if they
accepted her application there were other hurdles; getting her transcript and
other needed documents together in AUGUST, was there any aid left, would they give her an
equivalent financial package at this late date? I explained all of this to her but told her I
would make the call. Ultimately, Siena did agree to look at her application and the call
from the admissions counselor was just what my daughter needed to hear. “When
we looked at your grades it was a no-brainer. We definitely have a spot for you
in our incoming class.” The package they offered also made it
possible for her to attend.
Remarkably, once she made this change everything began to fall into
place for her- like it was meant to be from the beginning. There was a new
enthusiasm inside my daughter and she was finally excited about the prospect of
starting college.
Her four years seemed to sail by, smoothly and easily, from day one.
Her experience was rich with opportunities I don’t believe she would’ve
otherwise had. She had a fantastic work study job. She somehow fell into the
best housing. She made amazing friends. There were no hurdles in her path and she graduated Magna Cum Laude. A reluctant graduate I might add,
because she didn’t want to leave the school she had grown to love.
We came so close to sending her to college kicking and screaming
and here she was kicking and screaming to stay!
I'm convinced from the very beginning; she was meant to be at Siena.
Maybe it was what we came to call her Siena Angel (my dad- who would’ve been
over the moon that she was there) but I believe it was supposed to be her
college experience all along. She was so fixated on what she thought her
course should be that she fought the glaring signals- in the form of
struggles- along the way.
And all the while she was meant to be somewhere else.
Sometimes we are too focused on the trip when we just need to
relax and let the journey unfold before us.
And, trust that we are exactly where we are meant to be – even if
we get there kicking and screaming.
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